An Autism Awareness Month feature
A smile, a nod, a frown. The signals we send with our bodies do not always translate their intended meanings to someone with autism. Think about the time you laughed at a sarcastic joke. An autistic person might not find the joke funny at all. He may even interpret your laughter as directed at him.
On the flip side, a neurotypical person might view someone’s lack of eye contact as a sign of disinterest or impoliteness. That shifted eye gaze, in reality, could be from someone who is autistic and simply uncomfortable looking others in the eye.
Summit Academy – Columbus Behavior Specialist Rebecca St. Clair, MSW, LSW, says the give and take of social cues and their meaning vary among folks on the spectrum. She adds that socializing is not wrong one way or the other just, perhaps, different for someone with autism. Still, in a world where giving eye contact often means expressing interest and smiling denotes happiness or approval, showing compassion to someone who interprets that body language differently will help develop a relationship built on respect and understanding.
“We should have patience and empathy whenever we talk with someone on the spectrum. Rather than become frustrated, approach everyone with grace and try to get to know them and build a relationship with them,” says St. Clair. “Everyone deserves a chance.”
St. Clair describes the autism spectrum as big and diverse. She says someone with autism may unintentionally encroach on another’s personal boundaries or talk in excess. Yet, another autistic person might appear disengaged in a conversation and provide minimal response because they are simply struggling to stay on topic. Still others may have difficulty maintaining an appropriate voice volume.
St. Clair, a licensed social worker who helps students in grades K-12 with autism and other disabilities, provides six suggestions for overcoming social challenges autism may present.
Read articles and books that address autism characteristics or interventions to help promote social skills. St. Clair recommends some of her personal favorites including “Diary of a Social Detective” by Jeffery E. Jessum, “Social Skills Activities for Kids” by Natasha Daniels and A Little SPOT series by Diane Alber.
Put social skills to the test when spending time together as a family. “Whether you’re playing a board game, reading a book together, watching a movie or having a meal, modeling social skills through a fun activity shows growth,” St. Clair says.
St. Clair also advises students on the spectrum to practice taking turns in conversations with peers. Likewise, when playing games, they can focus on good sportsmanship. A staunch rule follower might clash with a classmate who likes to bend the rules during a game of Uno. However, over the course of playing the game again and again, the conformist can learn to give the maverick some slack, says St. Clair.
Participate in community activities with similar-aged peers both with and without autism. St. Clair says in Greater Columbus, libraries offer after-school hangout sessions while recreation centers provide free sports and recreation classes. Some community centers, she adds, have programs on building life skills.
Submerge into the community. “Going into the community for various things such as a walk in the park or neighborhood, shopping or eating at a restaurant will give a child real-life opportunities to observe how others socialize,” says St. Clair. She points out that watching others can teach lessons ranging from speaking quietly in a library to interpreting that when someone drops their head during a lengthy conversation, they may politely be signaling that they are ready to end the chat.
Find your people. Network with local organizations that offer support groups and interventions for families. In Columbus and beyond, St. Clair recommends the Autism Care Network of Nationwide Children’s Hospital, OhioRISE, Opportunities for Ohioans with Disabilities and Buckeye Ranch, to name a few.
Don’t let an autism diagnosis define someone. “Continue to push them to achieve new skills and go beyond the limits,” says St. Clair. “Celebrate every new little win and accomplishment because they are so much more than a diagnosis.”